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i am robot. no feel. no pain. no mercy. transform as i wanna do.

and i won't care at all especially human fuckin' suck business!

ILYMMMMMMTYEEI!

mati

yaAllah, umur manusia emang gada yg tau ya. kapan kita bakal pulang ke Allah juga ga bakal bisa disangka. tau-tau dapet kabar temen meninggal. innalillahi wainna ilaihi rojiun.

yaAllah tempatkanlah dia di tempat terbaik di sisiMu beserta seluruh amal ibadahnya.

oh ya, meninggal itu ada yg bilang gausa dipikirin. tapi ada yg bilang, kematian itu kudu dipikirin, biar ga hanya mikirin duniawi terus.

if i may say, death is something we need to learn. but no need to fear about. well, kita semua punya hutang mati sama Allah. dan hutang itu mau gamau, susah seneng, wajib dibayar.

mati itu perlu diinget kok, ya sekedar buat pelajaran aja. keep of remaining ourselves about the last place ever we belong to. biar ngingetin kita juga, we are mortal.

yeah, when the time comes, we should pay what we must pay. death.

passion. parents.

if you've promised yourself to reach your dreams as high as the sky, whatever how struggle, obstacle, failure, or how much sacrifices that you've got, you will not stop. you will fight for your dreams, no matter how hard the conditions are. because it's your passion.
but there is one thing, that really strong, and it has the power to break your own promise. parents.
maybe you can just defeat all obstacles that stand in front of you. but parents are the only obstacle that personally i can't.

why?

because they are parents. wait, no, because they are my parents.

but psychological study taught me that if we want succeed, just follow our passion. because if we follow what others say about us, that's not who we are. we will find who the real we are if we find what we are not. that's why i fight for my passion. i will survive.
but then my parents show up.

Allah knows. He listens. He doesn't ignore. let He shows me the best way.

thriller..

yeah, i often dreamed about people around me who changed being a bad person, then his face was transformed being creepy and scary. then all of them was looking for me, and wanted to kill me. at that time i just wanted to run, but i could not. i tried to move my feet, step by step, but it felt so heavy. then i scared, so scared because no one of them who helped me, or tried to take me keep running. no one. then i found one person, i forgot who is he, i forgot his name. but when he saved me, took me to the safe place to hide, finally he transformed too. then i ran again, even i could not. my body felt like it was tied so tightly till i could not ran anymore. i could not move. and he was getting closer to me, closer, closer, and he got me!

then i woke up.

last last last last last last night i had a bad dream, terrible, and thriller. again and again.

it was at my school, and there would be an event. i was there with others. i forgot how was the detail, but absolutely they wanted to kill me. they? yes. pimen, laras, rizal, anik, i forgot the others, and there was the big one, the fat one, he is male, who saved me and covered me from others's attacked. ah that was so thriller. even laras, my desk mate, my best friend, and she wanted to kill me too. so everyone had a stick, maybe it's 15cm, thin, and at the edge is taper. they used that stick to kill me, by sticking that stick on my skin, like an injection, then i will die. so i ran as fast as i can, defeat them one by one, tried to avoid them as i can, tried to move. and some people tried to help me, like pimen and rizal, at first i thought that they were not danger. they didn't want to kill me, yeah, they were so kind of me. but then i realized that they pretended to do that things to me in order that they could approach me and killed me easily. i realized when rizal quietly moved his hand and issued the stick secretly without my detection. suddenly he spoke loudly to pimen, "NOW!" at that time i realized that they wanted to kill me too.

ah that story never had happy ending for me. i often dreamed about such dreams. terrible and thriller. i don't know why always be me who chased and attacked  by others. but i never get the ending. i forgot how was the ending. i just shocked, woke up from my sleep, and realized that all just in my dream.

but, what about if that will really happen to me?